Wednesday, 6 July 2016

The Ideal Man

What is that one thing which is common thought or rather a dream in every unmarried single women’s heart or may be even in married women’s heart too. “The ideal man”. Is that a concept that is only in movies and dramas? Do at least some get this ideal man in their life and if they get so, is their life ideal as what we thought to be? These thoughts was going through my mind for several days.

I lived a very decent life, even though it is what seemed to be from outside. To me, I lived a life with lots of flaws and positives. I met one man in my life and thought he would be my ideal man. For me he was the ultimate man I could get in my life and then meßàhe never happened. It turned out as my ideal man never saw me as his ideal woman. Later on close observation, maybe I was blind in love and forgot to notice that my ideal man was never an ideal one. He was one with lots of flaws and unacceptable elements in his character.

My friend of 8 years Nancy, who is working as a senior engineer in a semi-conductor manufacturing firm said ”People have their own good and bad points, but it is all about embracing the both in a human being and that is the reason my relationship with Steve is very strong”. Steve, Nancy’s boyfriend whom she fell head over heels when she met him during a marriage ceremony of her colleague. I would mock Nancy for the fact that she had to fly to another country to meet her soul mate and at the same time I feel happy for her because I felt she would never fall again in love after her bitter break-up with her ex-boyfriend.

My other friends had different viewpoints. “When you were born itself, It is written down whom you should marry and that will be your ideal man” said Ron, my close best friend who is happily married to Jane and have a son, Jake. I have heard such similar viewpoints from many people. But how? Then why do we fall in love many times? Then why do many marriages fail and many love affairs fail? How does extra martial affairs come up?

It is only based on the concepts we have in our mind and we find a person based on this, which is what we say as our ideal partner”. This was the viewpoint of Manny, the best human being I have ever met in my life. Manny have went through many failed relationships and he can tell things better than many others. I shared the same viewpoint as that of Manny in most of the things in life and so did on this. We frame our concepts based on the people we have in our lives. A girl frame her concept from her father, her brother or any other man who may have played strong role in her life. This concepts form the ideal man in her mind.

This was the only explanation that could validate why I found two ideal men in my life. One man as I mentioned in the first, a man who never saw me as his ideal woman. The second one who saw me as his ideal woman and yet I didn’t take that relationship forward due to reasons that is still unknown to me. These two men had nothing in common other than some points, which was my concept of an ideal man. My second ideal man told me “Maria, you need to form some concepts about the person whom who you would like to be with in your life” and that is the point I found out what my ideal man should be like.

So ideal man is the concepts that we frame in our life based on the people in our life, the things we like about them and those we dislike about them. Some people have to compromise on their concepts and later when they find someone who fulfill all the check boxes in their concepts table, they fall in love with that person. Hence extra martial affairs crop up or where people fall in love with another when they are already committed. Some people will be lucky enough to get a person who will satisfy all those check boxes in their concepts table and others won’t be. This is how some people find their ideal man and others don’t.

Thursday, 10 December 2015

Divorce ? NEVER TILL..

Today I was having a discussing with my friend on marriage We both had same views that we don't want to get married. We don't want responsibilities. We want freedom and a good career. We want our dreams to be fulfilled rather than having a child and compromising with that. She was afraid about one more thing. A husband who cheat.

I was also afraid that such a cheap person will come to my life and that's why I told my family I am not going for marriage. But not now anymore. Not because I am confident I will get a person who love me truly and deeply. True love, that's crap. Its because I don't care anymore.

She said if her husband have an extra martial affair, she will divorce him that spot. But I had a different viewpoint. Why divorce and why live with that? 

What will happen if I divorce such a husband? He will finally marry that woman and both will live happily. But what about me. What will I do? See all these and live my damn crap like lonely life with depression and hatred. Why should I? 

Hence I will not. I will not allow him to leave my side till I find someone and till I move on. Till that point I won't allow him to even spent time with her. Till I also cheat on him the same way he did, he should suffer like I will suffer then. Till I move on, he should remain with me. He can't go for her at any means. Because I don't want to end up pitiful and lonely.

For that she asked but how will you do it? What if he says that he will not stay with me? Well I won't give him any choice. He can do anything before his family. But not in front of his society. Society will be my weapon. The same society who he will fear. The same society that will see me pitiful, will be my weapon. Because now all fear what others will think. Hence I won't divorce till I find another person and till I move on. 


Today I saw a post in Facebook where that person want a time machine to go back. That person want to go back to change what she had done in the past. And then many people who equally wanted that liked the post. So that made me think do I ever want to go back and change something?

No, I never want to go back and change anything. Even if my life is going to be like hell where I get suffocated and can't even breathe, still I never want to go back. I don't want to go back and see the same people again. I could have gone and done something different. That would have changed my life, I would have been different. So I don't want to go back. I love myself to death and I never want to change from what I have become today.

Regret, that's what all are concerned about. But I don't regret at any point of my life. I plan and make my today's action, so that I don't regret ever in my life. Even if I regret, I clear that. For things that I can't clear, I forget and never remember it. That way I live my life.

To all who want a time machine, that is something you won't get. So try to be comfortable with what you are and what you did. Rather than a time machine, talk directly to the person no matter even if you have to put your head down. Throw your self esteem for that moment and ask for forgiveness. Even though that person won't forgive you, you will find a big sense of happiness. From that point even though that person won't smile, you will with all heart. Eventually that person will.

So live your life. Ask for forgiveness when you did something regrettable. Say things directly when needed. Go for silence when you want peace. Be careful with your words and actions. Its said that acts and words cannot be taken back. I would make a change, words can be taken back but not your acts. So think well and always ask yourself what you want.

Sunday, 15 November 2015


When is the right time to get married? This is a question that haunts me till now. Many people have many answers for this. One of my friend said she got married when she had a situation that made her do so and she went with the flow. Another said she got married when he parents said so. Many answers are there for this question. As the Titan Raaga ad says "only get married when you feel to". But what if I never feel that I should get married. What makes me afraid is marriage is a responsibility that any women have to take.

 Lucky are those who got married to those whom they were in love or those who felt they have to spent their rest of the life with that person. What about those who are not in love or rather who don't have time to be in love? I once believed true love exists and then I learned it never did, at least from what I saw in my life. I learned marriage is all about "adjustments". In India, marriage is all about "sacrifices" and especially that is only meant for women. 

Any women who get married are expected to leave their family which includes her parents and siblings, with whom she spent her entire life and which is also her world. By marriage she would only add one more person to her world. But in India people want her to erase all others and only include her husband. And the man can have everyone in his world, his parents and entire family along with his wife. Does that even make any sense? To me it doesn't. Why should I leave my parents who gave their life to bring me up and whom I love till death, for a man who I saw yesterday. I can accommodate him along with them. Else I prefer not to be married.

Women are expected to throw their jobs away when they have a child. What about men? Is the child only hers? Is it not his? She should throw her job away, look after the child till that child turns 3 or 4 years. Then the next child will be on the way and again look after that child. Man will only play the role of giving good things to the child and earning money for the family. Responsibility comes equally to both people, but the mother carries 90% of them. Why? Because a child needs a mother more than a father? Come on. That's crap. A child needs both of them equally. Raymond ad may show a man taking leave from work, so that his wife can peacefully go to work without worrying about their kid. But that is never possible in real life, at least to 90% of the women in India. Why should I sacrifice my life and my job for my kids and husband? In the end , what do I get? Kids happily settled with their family and I alone with/ without my husband regretting over the choice I made in life? That will never happen in my life. I value my career more than anything, because that gives me a position in the society and my own earned money for which I don't have to beg to my husband, so that I can fulfill my needs and my parents needs.

When all these conditions of 90% comes up, I think the best option for me is to never get married to an Indian. Rather I will marry someone from a Western country or even from Africa where women get more freedom than here. Else I should be that damn lucky to find a man who can satisfy all these needs. I have my friends who respect women a lot and agree with this view point. So not all Indian's are like-minded. Some are different. Yet the issue is there are only some

Tuesday, 29 September 2015


I always thought I won't be able to behave in the way I dreamed to be when the correct moment comes. The feeling of thinking myself inferior to others, even when I have many capabilities others don't possess, which others dream to possess. Yet, I wonder why I saw me as a person who is not that capable. But when the correct moment came, unknowingly I rose and did what I should do, which others in my shoes will fail to do. Later upon realization of what happened, I felt proud.

This is what I did. What about others? I have come across many people in my life. who are very much capable but don't even realize their capabilities. One of my friend feel so much inferior about herself that she never think a bit positive of herself. Many times I have seen her doing well in many aspects in life. Yet, she never belief in herself. To her the most unwanted and unsuccessful person in this earth is her. She feels the entire world neglect her when none do.

This attitude of her is making her pay for a big time. The anger and disappointment that comes to me when I see this attitude just mess up my head entirely. I believe every people are capable, all have their own unique points that none own and feeling of we are here for a purpose, to bring a difference should be there in every human being.

Explore ourselves, find who we are, what our capabilities are, what we can do to bring a difference and the belief that "I am a unique brand of my own and that is my power".

Friday, 29 May 2015

Nazi Human Experimentation

Nazi human experimentation was medical experimentation on large numbers of people by the German Nazi regime in its concentration camps during World War II. At Auschwitz, under the direction of Dr. Eduard Wirths, selected inmates were subjected to various experiments which were supposedly designed to help German military personnel in combat situations, to aid in the recovery of military personnel that had been injured, and to advance the racial ideology backed by the Third Reich.After the war, these crimes were tried at what became known as the Doctors’ Trial, and revulsion at the abuses perpetrated led to the development of the Nuremberg Code of medical ethics.

Experiments on twins
Experiments on twin children in concentration camps were created to show the similarities and differences in the genetics and eugenics of twins, as well as to see if the human body can be unnaturally manipulated. The central leader of the experiments was Josef Mengele, who performed experiments on over 1,500 sets of imprisoned twins, of which fewer than 200 individuals survived the studies.Whilst attending University of Munich (located in the city that remained one of Adolf Hitler’s focal points during the revolution) studying philosophy and medicine with an emphasis on anthropology and paleontology, Mengele got swept up in the Nazi hysteria and even said that “this simple political concept finally became the decisive factor in my life”.Mengele’s newfound admiration for the “simple political concept” led him to mix his studies of medicine and politics as his career choice.
Mengele received his PhD for a thesis entitled “Racial Morphological Research on the Lower Jaw Section of Four Racial Groups”, which suggested that a person’s race could be identified by the shape of the jaw.The Nazi organization saw his studies as talents, and Mengele was asked to be the leading physician and researcher at Auschwitz concentration camp in Poland in May 1943.There, Mengele organized genetic experiments on twins. The twins were arranged by age and sex and kept in barracks between experiments, which ranged from injection of different chemicals into the eyes of twins to see whether it would change their colors to literally sewing twins together to try creating conjoined twins.

Freezing experiments
In 1941, the Luftwaffe conducted experiments to learn how to treat hypothermia. One study forced subjects to endure a tank of ice water for up to three hours. Another study placed prisoners naked in the open for several hours with temperatures below freezing. The experimenters assessed different ways of rewarming survivors.
The freezing/hypothermia experiments were conducted for the Nazi high command. The experiments were conducted on men to simulate the conditions the armies suffered on the Eastern Front, as the German forces were ill prepared for the bitter cold.
The experiments were conducted under the supervision of Dachau and Auschwitz. Rascher reported directly to Heinrich Himmler, and publicised the results of his freezing experiments at the 1942 medical conference entitled “Medical Problems Arising from Sea and Winter”.
The freezing experiments were in two parts. First, to establish how long it would take to lower the body temperature to death, and second how to best resuscitate the frozen victim.
The icy vat method proved to be the fastest way to drop the body temperature. The selections were made of young healthy Jews or Russians. They were usually stripped naked and prepared for the experiment. An insulated probe which measured the drop in the body temperature was inserted into the rectum. The probe was held in place by an expandable metal ring which was adjusted to open inside the rectum to hold the probe firmly in place. The victim was put into an air force uniform, then placed in the vat of cold water and started to freeze.

Malaria experiments
From about February 1942 to about April 1945, experiments were conducted at the Dachau concentration camp in order to investigate immunization for treatment of malaria. Healthy inmates were infected by mosquitoes or by injections of extracts of the mucous glands of female mosquitoes. After contracting the disease, the subjects were treated with various drugs to test their relative efficiency. Over 1,000 people were used in these experiments, and of those, more than half died as a result.

Mustard gas experiments
At various times between September 1939 and April 1945, experiments were conducted at Sachsenhausen, Natzweiler, and other camps to investigate the most effective treatment of wounds caused by mustard gas. Test subjects were deliberately exposed to mustard gas and other vesicants, which inflicted severe chemical burns. The victims’ wounds were then tested to find the most effective treatment for the mustard gas burns.

Sulfonamide experiments
From about July 1942 to about September 1943, experiments to investigate the effectiveness of sulfonamide, a synthetic antimicrobial agent, were conducted at Ravensbrück. Wounds inflicted on the subjects were infected with bacteria such as Streptococcus, gas gangrene and tetanus. Circulation of blood was interrupted by tying off blood vessels at both ends of the wound to create a condition similar to that of a battlefield wound. Infection was aggravated by forcing wood shavings and ground glass into the wounds. The infection was treated with sulfonamide and other drugs to determine their effectiveness.

Sea water experiments
From about July 1944 to about September 1944, experiments were conducted at the Dachau concentration camp to study various methods of making sea water drinkable. At one point, a group of roughly 90 Roma were deprived of food and given nothing but sea water to drink by Dr. Hans Eppinger, leaving them gravely injured. They were so dehydrated that others observed them licking freshly mopped floors in an attempt to get drinkable water.

Sterilization experiments
From about March 1941 to about January 1945, sterilization experiments were conducted at Auschwitz, Ravensbrück, and other places by Dr. Carl Clauberg.The purpose of these experiments was to develop a method of sterilization which would be suitable for sterilizing millions of people with a minimum of time and effort. These experiments were conducted by means of X-ray, surgery and various drugs. Thousands of victims were sterilized. Aside from its experimentation, the Nazi government sterilized around 400,000 individuals as part of its compulsory sterilization program.Intravenous injections of solutions speculated to contain iodine and silver nitrate were successful, but had unwanted side effects such as vaginal bleeding, severe abdominal pain, and cervical cancer.Therefore, radiation treatment became the favored choice of sterilization. Specific amounts of exposure to radiation destroyed a person’s ability to produce ova or sperm. The radiation was administered through deception. Prisoners were brought into a room and asked to complete forms, which took two to three minutes. In this time, the radiation treatment was administered and, unknown to the prisoners, they were rendered completely sterile. Many suffered severe radiation burns.

Experiments with poison
In or around December 1943 and October 1944, experiments were conducted at Buchenwald to investigate the effect of various poisons. The poisons were secretly administered to experimental subjects in their food. The victims died as a result of the poison or were killed immediately in order to permit autopsies. In September 1944, experimental subjects were shot with poisonous bullets, suffered torture and often died.

Incendiary bomb experiments
From around November 1943 through to circa January 1944, experiments were conducted at Buchenwald to test the effect of various pharmaceutical preparations on phosphorus burns. These burns were inflicted on prisoners using phosphorus material extracted from incendiary bombs.

High altitude experiments
In early 1942, prisoners at Dachau concentration camp were used by Rascher in experiments to aid German pilots who had to eject at high altitudes. A low-pressure chamber containing these prisoners was used to simulate conditions at altitudes of up to 20 km (66,000 ft). It was rumored that Rascher performed vivisections on the brains of victims who survived the initial experiment.Of the 200 subjects, 80 died outright, and the others were executed.

Many of the subjects died as a result of the experiments conducted by the Nazis, while many others were murdered after the tests were completed or to study the effect post mortem.Those who survived were often left mutilated, suffering permanent disability, weakened bodies, and mental duress.On August 19, 1947, the doctors captured by Allied forces were put on trial in USA vs. Karl Brandt et al., which is commonly known as the Doctors’ Trial. At the trial, several of the doctors argued in their defense that there was no international law regarding medical experimentation.
However, informed consent in German medicine was not original to issues surrounding WWII. In 1900, Dr. Albert Neisser infected patients (mainly prostitutes) with syphilis without their consent. Despite support from most of the academic community, public opinion was against Neisser, led by psychiatrist Albert Moll. While Neisser went on to be fined by the Royal Disciplinary Court, Moll developed “a legally based, positivistic contract theory of the patient-doctor relationship” that was not adopted into German law.

Eventually, the minister for religious, educational, and medical affairs issued a directive stating that medical interventions other than for diagnosis, healing, and immunization were excluded under all circumstances if “the human subject was a minor or not competent for other reasons” or if the subject had not given his or her “unambiguous consent” after a “proper explanation of the possible negative consequences” of the intervention. However, this was not legally binding.

In response, Drs. Leo Alexander and Andrew Conway Ivy drafted a ten point memorandum entitled Permissible Medical Experiment that went on to be known as the Nuremberg Code.The code calls for such standards as voluntary consent of patients, avoidance of unnecessary pain and suffering, and that there must be a belief that the experimentation will not end in death or disability.However, the Code was not cited in any of the findings against the defendants and never made it into either German or American medical law.

Wednesday, 27 May 2015


Sitting here in my office, from the very first day, I used to get this smell of fish, chicken, vegetables, mutton, beef etc which was either fried or in curry form or in any edible form. Every single thing that was cooked in that nearby restaurant was known to me. When they mix masala to the onions, what masala they added, when they fry the fish and chicken, whether today they have beef fried or roast and everything was there transparent to me.

But this also made me hungry and I could feel water flowing in mouth each time I get these smell. Then my friends started to talk about this. None of us could hold ourselves. Well, none would. Finally we decided, we will go one day definitely and that will be the next day itself.

Like a dog, we followed the fish, chicken and all that was in the air and reached the restaurant. Well there was 2 restaurants. One exclusively for meals and another where you will get anything other than meals. We decided to go for the non-meals one.

Looked the menu and ordered a Hyderbadi biryani. The last time I had this was when I was in Technopark from the exclusive Hyderbadi food counter in Thejaswini – Baawarchi. (Thejaswini is a building in Technopark, Trivandrum). Wanted to again taste the authentic flavour. Waited for 10 minutes and I got my biryani, which did not have the typical Hyderbadi biryani smell. Yet, decided to have. Took the first spoon and disappointment rushed in me. Well this smellvertisement that this restaurant made use of, is only good to inhale.

Being a person who never go to a hotel, without getting the reviews from another, I visited one by just trusting on the flavoured smell that was in the air and that fooled me. Now I have find another good place to eat to get rid of this disappointment, which was the only thing I gained by the smellvertisement marketing technique of that restaurant.